Building the sexy self takes time and work. Some of the work we have to do is hard and it’s not uncommon for people to not want to put in the effort. Embracing and loving the sexy self requires you to have to love yourself, be confident with yourself, and be true to your real self.

the sexy self being confident, self-love, authentic

Key steps in building the sexy self


How many times have we heard “confidence is sexy“? There’s a reason for this. Being confident, not just in your skin and body but also in the person you are and what you offer to this world is incredibly important in building the sexy self.

Confidence can exude sexiness. If you are struggling to be confident in your body as well as confident sexually, then it will be more difficult to embrace your own sexual being. Being confident requires you to have to work through some difficult things sometimes. For example, a past client of mine struggled with confidence in herself because she never felt she was good enough. She was constantly comparing her body to others and continuously telling herself that because she wasn’t a certain way, she could never be sexy. Wrong! We had to work through some past stories that created this thought process in her mind. We had to work on self-love and authenticity (see below). We had to challenge these thought patterns and create new ones.

It can be difficult and can be something many don’t want to do because of how hard it can be but I promise you that once you do this work and can finally feel confident in yourself, who you are, and in your body… you will feel 1,000 times sexier.


It really can be hard to be your sexy self AND be confident in your sexy self if you don’t love yourself. Self-love is crucial in embracing the sexy self. A lack of self-love is probably one of the most common hurdles for people struggling to be confident, authentic, and sexy. How can you be happy with yourself if you don’t even love yourself?

Self-love is just that… the love that you have for yourself. We are the hardest on ourselves and we find everything there is to tell ourselves we shouldn’t be loved, we can’t be loved, or don’t deserve to be loved. When working on self-love, we have to make sure these types of mental blocks aren’t showing up, and if they are, work through them.

Loving yourself will include healthy self-talk and finding a way to accept and be happy with ALL parts of yourself, inside and out. This does not mean you can’t dislike parts of who you are or what you look like or that we can’t strive to change some parts of us. But we have to have more self-love than we do the dislikes and critiques.

Here are some great tips on building self-love.


Being true to who you are has to happen when embracing and loving the sexy self. Authenticity is critical in completing the sexy self. When being authentic, you are being the person who is at your core. This means no more people-pleasing and no more pretending to be the person you think you’re “supposed” to be. To be authentic, you get to be the real you and the real sexy you.

The authentic you is often hiding behind the mental blocks of shame and fear that hold you back from being the sexy you. Many people hide their authentic self because it doesn’t fit the “mold”, or what society says your should and shouldn’t look or act like, or because of the possible disappointment you might cause in others by being true to the real person inside of you (people-pleasing).

In finding your authentic self you will have to be honest with yourself, you will have to listen to your inner voice, you have to be honest with others and speak your true thoughts and emotions, and you will have to love yourself. This work can be difficult and a lot of people that struggle with authenticity don’t want to do the work. A lot of times being your authentic self will not come from reading books, listening to podcasts, or reading articles. This work often (not always) needs the help of a professional.

Sexy self challenge

I challenge you to pick one of these to start working on (only one in the beginning!) to begin your journey of building the sexy you. You will come to find that once you start working on one, the others will come more easily. Be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself while you’re on this journey. Becoming aware and admitting that the work needs to be done is an important step when working on your confidence, self-love, and being your authentic self to be able to be your sexy self.

3 steps in building the sexy self